#nofilter // speaking words of love over our bodies

Posted on: Wednesday, June 15, 2016

“don’t say that about yourself.”

this simple statement, said to me during a facial by a lovely esthetician, really stuck out to me. while she was doing extractions (ugh, these are so bad and good at the same time) i apologized to her for my “gross skin.” and she called me out – telling me that i should never call myself or my body gross and instead speak love to myself. and that i shouldn’t apologize for my body, period. it was nothing deep nor profound, but her words were a wake-up reminder that the words we say to ourselves, about ourselves, are so important.

for the past nine (!!) or so months, i’ve been dealing with some not-so-ideal hormonal adult acne. i didn’t really have bad acne growing up, aside for some small breakouts during that time of the month, and it’s been really challenging to experience bad acne as a 27-year-old. i changed my birth control method last fall and since, i’ve been struggling with acne on my chest, neck and parts of my face. i’ve tried lots of solutions and continuing to treat it – topical lotions and creams, antibiotics, these murad skin clarifying vitamins (highly recommend as they seem to be what’s actually helping), the whole nine yards. and the acne sometimes comes and goes. a few weeks ago, my chest was really clearing up – no redness and barely any bumps – and i was so excited. it’s working! i’m getting better! and then, this past weekend, my skin flared up and is redder and bumpier than ever. sigh.

i spent the morning of my wedding day anxious and upset about my skin (pre-makeup pic below, where you can see some breakout on my chest. thank you Sarah for your magical makeup skills! ). I’ve spent many regular mornings in a bad mood, not sure what to wear or how to cover up the bumpiness, the red, the imperfect. now, with warmer weather comes swimsuits and skin-baring tank tops, and that brings a whole new wave of worry over my skin.

i know that there are much bigger and more important issues that people are going through, but this whole skin thing for me has been unsettling and upsetting the past almost-year. my self-doubt and self-hate gets all worked up when i look at my skin and i say things to myself, about myself that aren’t edifying, helpful or remotely loving. it sounds weird to say this, but looking at my skin automatically puts me in a sour mood and makes me feel grumpy and frustrated.

so what i’m really trying to do, slowly, even when it’s hard, is to speak love to myself and to my body. even when i don’t look the way i want or when my skin isn’t “going back to normal”, i’m trying to not freak out, but to instead take a deep breath and move on. i’m trying to not let the way my skin looks on any given day affect my attitude and mindset. i’m trying my best to find solutions that work for my skin type, continue talking with my dermatologist and try my best to alleviate the redness and bumpiness, but ultimately – not let my acne define me as a person or ruin my day. when words like gross or disgusting or ugly pop into my head after looking at my skin, i’m remembering to “not say that about myself” and instead give myself, my body, my skin, grace and love.

i don’t really know what compelled me to share this, as it’s not something i’m necessarily proud of sharing. i also prefer to share the pretty and inspiring and happy things on my blog, but i also want to share the real and honest. i’ve had my blog for 6+ years now, and it’s changed a lot, but i always want it to be authentically me, and right now, this is where i’m at.  it was helpful for me to write down how i’m feeling and what i’m experiencing and to read my feelings, put into words.  i’m just hoping that even one other person out there reads this and is reminded to speak love over their body and to not be quick to judge and condemn yourself based on the way you look. <3

xo

  • Kayla Buckson

    Thanks for sharing girl. I’ve also started struggling with more breakouts, and like you, never suffered as a kid. I get it- it can be really embarrassing and cause doubt and worry. You’re beautiful from the inside out and thanks for reminding me that I also need to speak love to myself <3

    I also want to commend you for always being authentic. During the short time I blogged, I had that same goal. You see so much of people living the dream life, but that's not always reality. Keep up the good work!

  • Kayla Buckson

    Thanks for sharing girl. I’ve also started struggling with more breakouts, and like you, never suffered as a kid. I get it- it can be really embarrassing and cause doubt and worry. You’re beautiful from the inside out and thanks for reminding me that I also need to speak love to myself <3

    I also want to commend you for always being authentic. During the short time I blogged, I had that same goal. You see so much of people living the dream life, but that's not always reality. Keep up the good work!

  • Brooke

    Andi, your honesty is so refreshing and beautiful and I can relate to this post on SO many levels!

    In middle school, I suffered from acne and was insanely hard on myself. I envied my friends with perfectly clear skin and went many years without looking up close at myself in the mirror. I hated dressing rooms because of the bright light and always felt “gross”. I would cake on makeup and tried every product under the sun! It slowly got better but I still breakout on my face, back, BUTT LOL.

    Have you heard of Waking Up With Ryan? He’s a life coach in LA and I think you’d love him! He sends a newsletter every morning and one was about “surrendering to what is”. It really stuck with me and whenever I’m having a panic attack, breakdown, etc, I think of what and it’s true. You just gotta surrender to what is and let it be. No need to fuss or freakout.

    Also, I highly suggest looking up Alissa Vitti! She is AMAZING. Her whole life, her period was completely out of whack and was overweight, had cystic acne, etc. She finally stopped listening to doctors who kept putting her on BC and antibiotics and changed her diet. It changed her life, she lost weight, her acne went away, and her hormones finally got in sync. She helps women who suffer from PMS or trouble getting pregnant and has a website called Flolivin. I LOVE HER and think she’s incredibly smart and inspiring!

    Last thing, while you know I absolutely love Beautycounter, I love all nontoxic brands. A Charleston safe beauty blogger suffered from adult acne after having her first baby and turned to a brand (from Marin!) called True Botanicals. You can read about her experience with it here: http://www.barebeauty.com/reader-sos-acne-and-wrinkles-seriously/

    MUCH <3!!!!

  • Alexa Brooks

    Thank you so much for sharing. I got married last year and starting to get cystic acne again as a 33 year old. It’s awful and painful.

  • lucky andi: CHARCOAL!

    […] of all, hi! Thank you all for your kind words, tips and recommendations from my post about my acne issues. I was so encouraged by FB, Instagram and blog comments and a bunch of emails from people, saying […]



Theme by Blogmilk   Coded by Brandi Bernoskie